Once I was fired my doctors began to add more pills to my treatment plan. I began seeing a therapist who was teaching me how to cope with my new difficulties and I began seeing an acupuncturist. During this time, I was still trying so hard not to let myself be overcome by my hardships and I tried to keep my normal activities alive. For example, I tried to continue to party how I used to, exercise, clean, cook and hang out with my friends in the same way that I would do before I began to deteriorate. Slowly, I began to realize that I could not handle that "old" life. I couldn't drink like I used to, I couldn't stay out late like I used to, the meals I would always cook - I couldn't eat, I needed to be home so I wouldn't forget to take my medications, keep hydrated and relax. The realization that I was actually "sick" finally became my reality. My friends thought I was abandoning them, but I could not talk when we hung out, I couldn't eat or drink like I used to, I also would get tired more easily; so I began to stay home even more. I began watching tv all day and avoiding my new life. Finally, I came to the realization that I could still be myself, but in a different way. I began to eat differently, and be more open with my friends regarding my struggles. I got pass the looks of pity from my friends and decided to not let their feelings affect mine. I also, tried not to let others negativity regarding anything affect my mood as well. I started to do yoga everyday, take my pills, have water with me at all times and would carry my pills around if I knew it would be along day. Also, I am still trying to master meditation. I drink Ensure shakes when eating is almost impossible. Soups have now become my favorite food. I continue to learn sign language so on a bad day I can at least try to use that as a form of communication. If not, I carry around a cute little pad to write on so I can communicate that way as well.
Since I have been hanging out with my friends more, being more open and allowing old friends who knew me before dystonia into my life, I have realized that everyone, really everyone, is going through some kind of struggle. Life is hard for everyone. Once I realized this, I felt more comfortable being my new self and letting others accept, help and use me since we all need help and we all hope to be accepted for who we truly are.
Through reading about how to deal with adversity, sickness, I have been able to open my eyes to the fact that everything in this world is hard work, but it doesn't mean we should give up.
I am so grateful that I do not need to work, that I can read and learn more about myself and other subjects I enjoy. I am able to do yoga at home, cook soups and shakes if needed, spend time with my dogs and to get the medical care that I currently need. ObamaCare has been a blessing for me, it has allowed me to get more opinions and less stress regarding medical bills.
This is not the path I thought I would be on, but I am realizing that very rarely do people end up on their original path. Life throws us curve balls and we need to learn how to hit them, with practice this can be achieved.
I was so mad at myself for "failing" but, I now realize working in a miserable environment, in front of a computer all day is not my path. I can't wait to see where life takes me next, and I am excited to get my dystonia under control with time and patience. There are always bad days, but there are more good days!
Enjoy your day! and my motto: One day at a time is all we can achieve, because we don't know what tomorrow will bring.